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 Just when I thought I was out … They pull me back in!Just like Michael Corleone, I find myself once again doing the Top 10 list here at FP911. This week I belly up to the bar and give the Top 10 Mixed Drinks and their Fantasy Baseball Equivalents. 10. Rum and Coke Okay, you are underage and you are in a bar for the first time. You want to order something, you are nervous and you do not want to screw up. So you order the easiest thing to say. Give me a rum and coke. Not too many syllables and you have said the word coke plenty of times. The bartender nods and makes the drink and you just feel relief. And then you get the drink and it ends up pretty satisfying. That’s every first-year fantasy player with the first pick in their draft selecting Albert Pujols. 9. Bloody Mary You spent all last night partying and you wake up the next morning and feel like you have been run over by a truck. Do you stay in bed and cry? No, you get back on the horse again and order a Bloody Mary. That’s what fantasy players do when they select Jimmy Rollins. Do you cry about him underperforming his ADP the past two years? No, you keep drafting him in the First and Second Round and figure one day it will actually pay off for you. 8. Mojito Every pseudo-hipster out there orders a mojito to show how young and with it they really are. Never mind that the real hipsters are wearing used clothes and drinking cheap beer, the wannabees are in designer clothes with a mojito in their hands. And the fantasy players who want to show how hip they are end up racing themselves to draft Stephen Strasburg. Now, mojitos can be quite tasty and Strasburg has all of the talent in the world. Just remember that simply possessing one doesn’t make you enviable. 7. Long Island Iced Tea Now, here is a drink with vodka, rum, gin, triple sec and tequila in it. There’s a little something for everyone. And the fantasy equivalent of that is Ryan Braun. You want to build your offense on HR? No problem, he does that. Going to focus on AVG? He does that, too. Is this the year you are not going to punt SB? He helps there, as well. Both LIT and Braun are five-category performers. 6. Margarita When you take the first sip of a margarita, it is amazingly easy for a drink with tequila. One more sip and you are hooked. So you order another and another and another. The next thing you know, you are on the floor and wondering why everyone is stepping on you. That’s the same way you feel when you draft a one category stud who gets off to a hot start. Sort of like last year when Emilio Bonifacio did great the first two weeks of April. If you kept him in your lineup after tax day, everyone was stepping all over you in the standings. 5. Sex on the Beach The name of this drink makes it sound dangerous and exciting. But if you’ve ever had sex on the beach, it is really not all that great. That is unless you enjoy the feeling of sand in your private areas. That’s the definition of drafting Ichiro Suzuki. It sounds exciting but once you’ve done it, you find that it’s not all that great if he doesn’t hit .350 and seeing that HR total is like feeling a bunch of sand in areas your bathing suit normally covers. As for the drink – it has schnapps in it, making it one that is hard to take seriously. 4. White Russian Ordering this drink, it sounds like something manly. But anyone who hears you place this drink order starts wondering if you are a little light in the loafers. It is the same thing when someone calls out Paul Konerko at your draft. Sounds like a rugged thing but in reality what you are getting is a poor AVG without the other stats to make it worthwhile. 3. Screwdriver Unlike a lot of drinks, there is only one way to make a screwdriver. Combine orange juice and vodka and enjoy. So, it’s the end of your draft and you’re looking for someone to fill out your roster. Everyone else seems to be flailing at guys with one-category upside. So take a deep breath, relax and take Luis Castillo. As with a screwdriver, you enjoy two things - AVG and SB – and everyone else is wondering why they didn’t order that one, too. 2. Gin and Tonic Only the hardest of hardcore alcoholics try gin for the first time and say, “This is great!” Gin is an acquired taste. But once you acquire it, you become a devotee. The fantasy baseball equivalent is drafting relief pitchers early. Say that to Lenny Melnick and he will make a face like the one he did when he chugged straight gin for the first time. But order good gin and mix it properly and you will be happy with the results. Order Tanqueray, draft Jonathan Broxton and enjoy the good life. 1. Sea Breeze I had no idea what is in a Sea Breeze or who even orders one. I am writing this from Arizona where I am staying with my friend Wanda and she informs me that this is a chick drink, frequently ordered by past their prime beauty queens who are still trying to hold onto their past glory. And I immediately call out, Derek Jeter! I know, I know – he had a nice bounceback season last year. Now everyone is going to over draft him and expect him to repeat 2009. Look, last year was the one night stand that turned out great. Don’t ruin the memory by going back to the well again with the aging beauty queen. Trackback(0)
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